What happened to my day...

Yesterday was ridiculous. I woke up with high hopes (probably my downfall in the end). Lecture had been canceled, the weather forecast said 70 and sunny, and I had a lunch date with my husband on our sunny balcony. I trotted off to school to pick up papers my students turned in and then went to the professor's office to do some grade norming. I knew this had to be done, but because it was 11:00 in the morning when we started, I thought we'd be done by noon or 12:30 at the latest. Noon came and went and we were still grading. I called my husband, rescheduled to 1:00. One o'clock, and still norming. Called the husband again, "Go ahead and eat without me." Meanwhile, outside, the sun shone, the sky hung overhead in perfect crystal blue, and I could just imagine how perfect my lunch would have been. Finally, at 1:45 I arrived home to find my husband headed back to work and afternoon shadows moving across the balcony. Unable to think past my irritation, I ate lunch and then flushed away the afternoon. At least I had good conversation with friends, but I got absolutely nothing done. As you know, I'm not one to mind a day off, but the frustrating part is that I was highly motivated to do work until the entire day veered off course while I waited for other people to finish grading. Ugh, ugh, and ugh. Hopefully today will be better.

Waves of work

I don't know if you, my fellow grad students, have noticed, but the work in grad school comes in waves. One day I have a deskful of tasks, and then the next I have a tiny pile of stickies with no pressure to work. This past Sunday something I ate didn't agree with me, so I spent the entire day wasting away in bed. When not annoyed by the discomfort, I worried about all those paper revisions I'd planned to finish. On Monday, I awoke feeling better and motivated to get to it. So, I plowed through the day, working on revisions and a presentation I have to give tomorrow. By 7pm I'd achieved my goals and I sat back to relax with a novel (in case you're interested, I'm reading What is the What by Dave Eggers, a fascinating account of the war in Sudan from the eyes of a boy). Then, I reach today, Tuesday. After class this morning, I find myself with a couple hours to kill before heading back to campus for office hours. But a funny thing is happening: I can't figure out what to do. I have some work: skim an article for my paper, compile my reading list for orals, think more about two suggestions from one of my committee members. The problem is that none of it is pressing. The paper is on semi-hold as I wait for more feedback and a meeting on Friday, the orals list...well, I don't have to actually start on that yet, it's just me trying to stay ahead of the curve, the suggestions...again, the meeting isn't until Friday, so if I think about them now I might forget what I want to say, so I might as well just wait until Thursday to figure those out.

All of this is a long way of saying that we find ourselves under pressure one day and aimless the next. On days like today, I almost stress myself out by trying to figure out what I should be doing. Without deadlines (self-imposed or not) looming over me, I can't force myself to work. And really, I shouldn't spend every waking moment working. On the other hand, I do want to end the quarter with a sense of accomplishment. I guess this all goes back to the whole point of this blog: grad school isn't (and shouldn't be) all about stress. So, today, when I have a light load, I'll get some things done, but I won't get stressed out by the lack of stress.

Today's Grad Gravy: Don't convince yourself into stress.

Oral exams

I've just realized the strangest part of academia: we're all about building a discipline (whatever that might be) that implies a bunch of people working on research that builds off other research to "advance the field", but when it comes right down to it, our organization does not foster collaboration. I've just spent the last 45 minutes thinking about compiling a list of readings for my oral exams. Advice from my advisor: see what other people have done (talk to other grad students in the department, search online, etc). Sounds great. But guess what? There's no database of the most important works in the subfields of sociology. I'm not saying this should be easy for us; I'm sure I'll learn something by compiling my list, but I feel like I'm just repeating the same things others have gone through when finding their way through grad school. My search yielded 7 lists. What do I do with them? Find the works most interesting to me? See which are the most cited and go with those? What about great works that have been completely overlooked? How, as a good feminist, can I include only those "most cited" works that are mostly written by men? And then what will I end up with? A random list of stuff to read.

So, I think we grad students need to start some sort of online space to compile these sorts of lists, research ideas, and other helpful resources that really will foster collaboration rather than isolation.

Today's Grad Gravy: Rebel against isolation.

P.S. If anyone has done their exams in the areas of crime, law, and deviance or sex, gender, and the family, I'd love to see your reading lists!

Today's Procrastination

A special bonus--two posts in one day! I've been watching this new show on AMC called Breaking Bad. It's alternately morbid and funny and morbidly funny. Bryan Cranston (the dad from Malcolm in the Middle) plays a high school chemistry teacher whose life takes a sad twist in the first episode that leads him to a very bad situation. I don't want to be too specific because you really should just watch some episodes online and see for yourself. It's one of those story lines that would seem horrible if you just heard about it on the news, but since the show follows the characters involved, you see how they make decisions that inevitably just end up making things worse.

I know that sounds like an advertising plug, but I swear I have no affiliation with AMC or the show. It's just a good story with intriguing characters.

Peculiar position

Today I found myself in a very peculiar position. I'd just finished creating a Powerpoint presentation (using the program in the correct way rather than simply typing my entire lecture onto slides) and stopped for lunch. After my pb&j I checked my planner and...I'd done everything on my list. "There must be something I should be doing," I said to myself. I flipped to next week and yes, I have to-do lists on almost every page. But for today, nothing. My husband suggested we go out, enjoy the day. First response? "I can't." Then, wait a minute, "I can!" A little voice nagged, "You must be forgetting to..." But really, I had nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow. I almost didn't know what to do. Ignoring that stupid voice, I allowed myself to be whisked outside into the beautiful 65 degree weather... All the while, I couldn't shake the suspicion that I shouldn't be having fun when so many unfinished projects await my attention. Such is the life we have chosen: work doesn't stay at work and even when it's over it still tries to convince us that we can't possibly enjoy the rest of our lives.

Today's Grad Gravy: Send the critic out to lunch for an afternoon.