Work creeping in...

I'm halfway through my vacation and work has started creeping in. The first time it flashed through my head was yesterday. Maybe I should think about those revisions, a little voice in my head said. Then, it continued, What about my dissertation topic? I need to think about that real soon too. When I felt my brain start to work, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Remember vacation. I have to take a break to return fresh. Not thinking about these things now will help me do them better when I'm back. It's hard though, to stop thinking about school work for a week when you know it's all sitting on your desk at home gathering dust and (maybe) growing into an ugly, gloppy, green monster that you might not be able to contain...

I can see (my desk) clearly now

I've spent the last half hour or so finding my desk. Throughout the quarter, I don't really have time to organize all the articles, paper drafts, and statistical results that I print. They end up strewn around in a way that makes sense at the time, but once I'm done ceases to have any useful system. Now, the desk is cleared into neat stacks, but I now have another problem. I haven't come up with a good way to keep everything organized. For example, I've printed articles for various papers and classes that I'd like to keep around. I'm not using them now, but I might in the future. So, what to do with these stacks? I can't fit a filing cabinet in here, and I don't want to take them to my campus office because I'm more likely to need them when writing at home. There must be a good way to do this, but I'm at a loss...

Break for the holidays

I'll be focusing on holiday activities for the next few weeks, so I won't be posting regularly. Check back every once in a while over the break because I'm going to try to put at least a couple of posts on the blog between now and the new year.

Have a great holiday season!

Pizza and a movie: Gandhi *****

The pizza: spinach, onion, and red pepper pizza. Yum! The movie: Gandhi. Spectacular.

To be honest, when I first saw that the movie was 3 hours 10 minutes, I wasn't sure I could watch it all in one sitting. I was wrong. I couldn't stop watching. The movie is a portrayal of Gandhi's life from the time he started becoming active in asserting rights for Indians in South Africa until his death. The acting couldn't have been better, especially on the part of Ben Kingsley who plays Gandhi. I think the original reason I put the film in my Netflix queue was to learn more about this man who I had vague ideas about, but no specifics. The movie did not disappoint. By following Gandhi's life, I learned about the history of India, and the beginnings of Pakistan. To top it all off, there were beautiful panoramic shots of all parts of India, some of which looked familiar from my brief time there on Semester at Sea as an undergrad. I was drawn in to the country: its struggles, its scenery, and its culture. Gandhi is a must-see.

Tune in next week for Superbad.

Holiday parties (follow up)

I went. I ate free dinner. I talked to my advisor for an hour about my timeline for completing the program. I came home feeling drained, but glad I'd been talked into it.

Holiday Parties

This morning I got a reminder email about a department holiday party tonight. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert, but even thinking about going drains my energy. It's not that I don't like the people in the department. They're all very nice and of course many are my friends. But there's something about going to these functions that just makes me so tired. You have to be "on" the entire time. It's like you can't really be completely you while you're there. Instead, you have to be your "school self" which means walking the line between having fun and not revealing parts of yourself that only your closest friends should know. It helps if some in your circle of friends will be there too, but then I think why do we go? Why not just hang out as the small group of us? The answer: mingling is part of being at a party. Then I'm back to where I started.

So, my blog-reading friends, to go or not to go?

Today's Grad Gravy: Don't do anything you don't want to do.

Now what?

I just turned in my paper. What a relief! As I walked the five minutes from campus to my apartment, my brain wandered around, trying to decide what I should do when I got home. There's that school book I've been meaning to finish...or the lecture I have to give next quarter...I could get a jump-start on reading for next quarter. Then, it hit me: What am I doing?!? I haven't even been done for five minutes and I'm already trying to fill my time with more school stuff. Just stop, I told myself. You're going to go home and do something relaxing. Is it disturbing that my brain froze and couldn't think of even one fun thing to do? I think it's a sign. I've used up all my thoughts on school and there's nothing left. I think I'll go take a bubble bath.

Today's Grad Gravy: Give yourself some time off.

Revisions (again)

I can officially say that I've hit the wall. I worked on my revisions for about an hour today and after that time, my brain rebelled. Sentences became loose amalgamations of words. Words looked like foreign languages. I couldn't do it any longer. So, that's that. I'm going to call it good and turn it in tomorrow.

Today's Grad Gravy: There's only so much you can do before any more work becomes pointless.

Today's Procrastination

If you haven't made an elf of yourself, click here for hours of entertainment.

Pizza and a movie: West Side Story ***

Zucchini, purple peppers, red onion, and mini-tomatoes: yum! With the slices in hand, I sat down to watch West Side Story. I knew it was a musical, so I tried to be open-minded. After the five minute opening consisting of music and more music, and a static, abstract image on the screen, we finally get to the story...except that then you have to wait through another 5-10 minutes of dancing and music to get to the plot. I really was trying to be open to the whole thing because I know the movie's a classic. After forty-five minutes, the plot hadn't progressed beyond two gangs (the Jets and the Sharks) and the man (Tony) who becomes enamored with the sister (Maria) of the rival gang leader (Bernardo). At this point, I have to admit that I started fast-forwarding through the song/dance numbers to get to the acting. The movie gets three stars because the acting really was superb and the story, a modern Romeo and Juliet, well-scripted.

Next week's flick: Gandhi

Freewheeling Friday

I woke up this morning, fed the cats, and then went back to sleep. That was the first decision of my completely non-school day. I vowed that today I would not think about nor work on anything school-related. Instead, I caught up on all those little things I keep meaning to do (work on my sewing project, clean out old clothes from the closet, start a new book, wrap Christmas presents). It was wonderful and relaxing. This is one of those times that I'm infinitely glad I'm not stuck in a 9-to-5. I do my work until it's done and then I'm allowed a break.

Revisions

In nonacademic writing, there is a saying that once you submit your work it becomes a business proposition. In other words, you put your heart and soul into a piece of writing, but as soon as you turn it in, you have to think about it as separate from yourself. Keeping this in mind makes it easier to accept and act on criticism when it comes (and it's bound to come because no writing is perfect). I was thinking about this today because as I put the finishing touches on the paper I've been working on for months, I have become concerned that I'll turn it in and my committee chair will tell me the first version was better and that I've gone off the deep end with this latest draft. This would negate my entire quarter of work.

I know that's stupid, but it's a real fear that many of us grad students have. What if our work isn't as original/insightful/well-written as we think? What if we turn in a paper only to have it thrown back in our face along with fits of laughter? Realistically, I know this isn't going to happen. My committee chair would never be so blatantly disrespectful. But, as a friend put it, what if they're secretly thinking that the paper is crap? Wouldn't that be worse in some way?

Enough pessimism. I will not fall victim to my inner critic. I'll just turn in the paper and remind myself that I did the best I could.

Today's Grad Gravy: Your work is as good as you secretly think it is.

Titles

The paper is basically written, it just needs a few revisions. I could turn it in soon, but there's a slight problem. I have no title! I hate coming up with titles. No matter if I'm writing fiction or academic papers, titles (along with intros and conclusions) are my nemesis. I need something catchy, but not too over the top. It has to get the point of the paper across without being too long. I want it to stand out. So, my day today will be thinking about this title while I'm getting more work done on that book chapter I'm beginning to loathe.

Today's Procrastination

Check out this site for free documentaries that you can watch online. Totally addicting and very time-consuming. For a really interesting, but depressing view of the war in Iraq, watch No End in Sight.

Pizza and a movie: All About My Mother ****

Last night's superb zucchini, purple bell pepper, and yellow and orange mini tomato slice was accompanied by a movie just as good. All About My Mother is a Spanish independent film about Manuela, a woman who loses her only son, Esteban in a freak accident. She goes from Madrid to Barcelona to find his father. The movie is populated with complex and interesting characters, including Manuela, a young nun named Rosa, a pre-op transsexual named Agrado, and, in the end, Esteban's father, Lola. I won't give away any more of the story. This movie is definitely a good way to spend an evening. The acting is very good and the situations the characters face seem authentic. An aspect of the movie I really enjoyed was the incorporation of non-traditional characters without the plot devolving into their personal struggles. While these struggles usually make for good movies, it was refreshing to see the gender-benders incorporated into the plot as characters who faced issues relating to their identity, but in ways that portrayed them just as everyone else in the film. The reason I give the movie four stars instead of five is that, like many independent films, All About My Mother ends before we're ready. Rather than leaving me with a sense of the future for these characters, I felt like a door had been slammed in my face. Overall, though, I definitely recommend this one.

Tune in next week for West Side Story (that's right, another of those movies I've never seen but should).

A thought experiment

Check out this blog post (the one for 11.28). After pondering so many times if the path I'm on is right, this gives me a new perspective that I hope I never, ever forget.

Today's Grad Gravy: Does your path have heart?