It's 5:00 on Sunday afternoon. The apartment is quiet after having the television on all afternoon to catch pieces of NFL games. My team, the Jacksonville Jaguars, have a bye this week, so I couldn't justify being a couch potato for too long. On Friday, I made a to-do list for the weekend. Now, every item is crossed off, so I sat down at the computer with every intention of thinking about the presentation I have to give in six weeks. Somehow I found myself on the blog with nothing to say. Maybe that's how I ended up here: I had nothing to say about fearless women and fearful men (the title of my presentation). That can't be it because I do have something to say about them, but when I'm forced to put it into academic-speak and statistical jargon, the point falls flat.
Sometimes when I'm in a situation like this, I start a document called, "What I really want to say about X" (where X includes the word stupid because even though I know it's not stupid, my insolent, childish state of rebellion tells me everything is stupid). Then, I pound letters on the keyboard that create words, sentences, and paragraphs that reveal the true nature of what I would say if I could just stand in front of the room and speak like a normal person about an issue I think is important.
Alas, in the halls of higher education, we cannot speak to one another like normal human beings. Presentations and conferences require us to put on our academic personas and talk about significance and controls and variables to the extent that I forget the real point entirely and wonder how I'm going to cram all of these models into one presentation.
I apologize for the rant. The positive side to this is that as I've been writing, I think I've come to understand what I must say (and what is unnecessary) about my data.
Today's Grad Gravy: When you're stuck, open a blank page and write without thinking.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Pizza and a movie: The Puffy Chair **
My advisor told me once that he was always amazed at how much television grad students watch. After thinking it over, I've realized that TV is one of the only activities that requires absolutely no brain work. So, every once in a while it's nice to plop in front of the tube and let the brain rest. In my apartment, Saturday night is pizza and a movie night, the perfect mind-numbing weekend activity. We make our own pizza (dough and all) and then sit down for the latest Netflix arrival. So, I've decided to start a regular Saturday night (or maybe Sunday morning) post reviewing the movie we've seen.
This week, I plopped on the couch with my zucchini, pineapple, and onion topped slices to watch "The Puffy Chair." It's not that I didn't like it at all (I watched until the end), but The Puffy Chair is a road trip movie without enough comedy or good acting to sustain my interest in the trip. The premise has promise: a guy, his girlfriend, and his brother go on a road trip to pick up a chair that the guy bought on eBay and then deliver it to his father as a birthday present. Along the way, the trio run into, well, life. The movie's been made a thousand times before with much better results (i.e. Little Miss Sunshine's hilarious road trip). Yet, The Puffy Chair is not a complete failure. Realistic portrayals of the difficult side of intimate relationships, including a couple of emotionally charged fights, don't take on the melodrama of many on-screen relationship woes. The emotional awkwardness of the characters kept me watching because I saw a little of myself and people I know in those characters. It's this realism that kept the movie from sinking.
My official rating: ** (out of *****)
This week, I plopped on the couch with my zucchini, pineapple, and onion topped slices to watch "The Puffy Chair." It's not that I didn't like it at all (I watched until the end), but The Puffy Chair is a road trip movie without enough comedy or good acting to sustain my interest in the trip. The premise has promise: a guy, his girlfriend, and his brother go on a road trip to pick up a chair that the guy bought on eBay and then deliver it to his father as a birthday present. Along the way, the trio run into, well, life. The movie's been made a thousand times before with much better results (i.e. Little Miss Sunshine's hilarious road trip). Yet, The Puffy Chair is not a complete failure. Realistic portrayals of the difficult side of intimate relationships, including a couple of emotionally charged fights, don't take on the melodrama of many on-screen relationship woes. The emotional awkwardness of the characters kept me watching because I saw a little of myself and people I know in those characters. It's this realism that kept the movie from sinking.
My official rating: ** (out of *****)
Friday, September 28, 2007
A new look!
I got tired of boring old gray and blue, so Grad Gravy has been reborn in colors that are fun for your eyes. I hope the new look is more inspiring and makes you want to read more!
And, as a bonus, here's another procrastination tool of the day. I've started a list of my favorite blogs on the right side of the page, so keep checking back as I add new sites.
And, as a bonus, here's another procrastination tool of the day. I've started a list of my favorite blogs on the right side of the page, so keep checking back as I add new sites.
Today's Procrastination
Take five minutes to see which presidential candidate your views most closely align with.
http://web.localtvllc.com/wqad/av2008/selectacandidate/quiz.php
http://web.localtvllc.com/wqad/av2008/selectacandidate/quiz.php
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The First Day of School
Ah, the first day of Fall quarter. As I rode my bike to the gym this morning, I could tell it was the first day of classes. Freshman stumbled around the bike roundabouts, stopping at the intersections rather than pushing through them like you're supposed to do. Men and women alike walked to their classes in outfits carefully chosen to give the right first impression. Most of all, I noticed the amount of people on campus. It's always a shock going from summer emptiness to crowded sidewalks and lines at the student union. But, like always at this time of year, I'm ready to begin working in earnest. I worked over the summer, but not too hard. We need those breaks to refresh our brains and come back to school with motivation. I'm ready.
Today's Grad Gravy: Here's to the new school year.
Today's Grad Gravy: Here's to the new school year.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
(Non) Findings
As I made my computer work hard at analyzing data today, I started to wonder how many other social scientists had already tried to test the same theories I am testing, but, like me, didn't come up with enough interesting findings to publish the results. I finally took a break for lunch at 1:00. While I eat, I like to relax with whatever magazine has come latest in the mail. Today it was Wired (okay, so I admit I'm a geek. I don't get magazines like Cosmo or Glamour, or whatever is the popular chic mag of the day. My subscriptions include The Writer, Wired, Kiplinger, and The Atlantic). Imagine my surprise when I open the magazine and come across an essay entitled It's Time to Free the Dark Data of Failed Scientific Experiments.
"Yes!" I exclaimed (and then wiped away the crumbs that had fallen on the page in my excitement) as I read the short piece. Did you know there's a journal called "Journal of Negative Results in Biomedicine"? Even though I have no interest in reading scholarly articles about the science of medicine, I want to know what researchers haven't found. Of course there are downsides to publishing non-findings, but it seems that we could progress more quickly by true collaboration rather than the "best findings win" approach we have in academia now.
Today's Grad Gravy: Dark Data are our friends.
"Yes!" I exclaimed (and then wiped away the crumbs that had fallen on the page in my excitement) as I read the short piece. Did you know there's a journal called "Journal of Negative Results in Biomedicine"? Even though I have no interest in reading scholarly articles about the science of medicine, I want to know what researchers haven't found. Of course there are downsides to publishing non-findings, but it seems that we could progress more quickly by true collaboration rather than the "best findings win" approach we have in academia now.
Today's Grad Gravy: Dark Data are our friends.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Trying to look smart
I remember coming into grad school thinking that people (especially professors) expected me to know a lot of information off the top of my head. It was overwhelming and energizing. I wanted to become so well-versed in a topic that I could spout off names and studies at will. More than that, I wanted to learn how to hold an intellectual conversation with my professors without getting that clammy, stuttery air about me that makes me feel completely absurd.
Today I was thinking about interactions I had with two professors yesterday. In the first, I walked into his office with a clear question in my head. But, as so often happens with this particular person, as soon as I opened my mouth, the question dribbled out like a word soup instead of an intelligent string of letters that form words to compose a complete sentence. The more I spoke, the more he looked at me, waiting until I finished before offering any sign that he had an inkling of what I was trying to say. By the time I stopped myself and handed him the papers with the data I’ve been working on, my face burned, I was slightly sweaty, and I felt my heart beating a hundred miles an hour. Inside, I told myself how utterly ridiculous it was to be this nervous about a simple question, but that didn’t make my physical signs of nervousness disappear. It wasn’t until he said he was impressed with the follow up reading I’d done after our last conversation that I began to relax.
Take two: In the second interaction, I sat in my advisor’s office going over my results and issues. I have some sort of contact with him almost everyday, so that probably quelled my nerves a bit. When I asked a question, it came out as a question and I didn’t get nervous. Although, even in this case, my words did not come out as good as they sounded in my head. My advisor is very good at taking problems and turning them around a bit to summarize the issue and come up with a solution, which is at the same time good and bad. The good is that I can see issues in a new light that helps me think. The bad is that it makes whatever I’ve said sound so elementary that I hope he doesn’t think I’m not cut out for grad school.
So, I’ll get to the point. Today I had a revelation. I am a student. It’s why I’m in school. If I already knew how to converse and think about problems like they do, then I wouldn’t need to be here. Maybe this new view comes from having a couple of grad school years behind me. In the first year, there’s the drive to prove yourself to professors whom you’re not sure you’ll work with in the future. You have to show them that you have a right to be here. In the second year, that’s starting to wear off, but, at least in my program, you’re starting to come up with your own research, which means thinking up questions that sound at least semi-interesting to an academic audience. Now, starting my third year, I think people (including myself) have a pretty good idea of what I’m about: the people I’ve worked closely with know my intellectual capacities, I’ve developed something of a research project that’s slowly developing into a niche that I know more about than my professors, and I can see that it’s okay to ask questions when I don’t understand something. They’re not going to think I’m stupid, and they may even appreciate the drive to learn.
I’m not saying I have it all figured out, or that it’s goodbye forever to the nerves, but, at least today, I understand my status as an academic in training.
Today’s Grad Gravy: If you already knew how to be a scholar, you wouldn’t need grad school.
Today I was thinking about interactions I had with two professors yesterday. In the first, I walked into his office with a clear question in my head. But, as so often happens with this particular person, as soon as I opened my mouth, the question dribbled out like a word soup instead of an intelligent string of letters that form words to compose a complete sentence. The more I spoke, the more he looked at me, waiting until I finished before offering any sign that he had an inkling of what I was trying to say. By the time I stopped myself and handed him the papers with the data I’ve been working on, my face burned, I was slightly sweaty, and I felt my heart beating a hundred miles an hour. Inside, I told myself how utterly ridiculous it was to be this nervous about a simple question, but that didn’t make my physical signs of nervousness disappear. It wasn’t until he said he was impressed with the follow up reading I’d done after our last conversation that I began to relax.
Take two: In the second interaction, I sat in my advisor’s office going over my results and issues. I have some sort of contact with him almost everyday, so that probably quelled my nerves a bit. When I asked a question, it came out as a question and I didn’t get nervous. Although, even in this case, my words did not come out as good as they sounded in my head. My advisor is very good at taking problems and turning them around a bit to summarize the issue and come up with a solution, which is at the same time good and bad. The good is that I can see issues in a new light that helps me think. The bad is that it makes whatever I’ve said sound so elementary that I hope he doesn’t think I’m not cut out for grad school.
So, I’ll get to the point. Today I had a revelation. I am a student. It’s why I’m in school. If I already knew how to converse and think about problems like they do, then I wouldn’t need to be here. Maybe this new view comes from having a couple of grad school years behind me. In the first year, there’s the drive to prove yourself to professors whom you’re not sure you’ll work with in the future. You have to show them that you have a right to be here. In the second year, that’s starting to wear off, but, at least in my program, you’re starting to come up with your own research, which means thinking up questions that sound at least semi-interesting to an academic audience. Now, starting my third year, I think people (including myself) have a pretty good idea of what I’m about: the people I’ve worked closely with know my intellectual capacities, I’ve developed something of a research project that’s slowly developing into a niche that I know more about than my professors, and I can see that it’s okay to ask questions when I don’t understand something. They’re not going to think I’m stupid, and they may even appreciate the drive to learn.
I’m not saying I have it all figured out, or that it’s goodbye forever to the nerves, but, at least today, I understand my status as an academic in training.
Today’s Grad Gravy: If you already knew how to be a scholar, you wouldn’t need grad school.
Monday, September 24, 2007
On the hill
Today was one of those "up" days. As a grad student, I've been through many, many series of good and bad days. One day, my research looks like a bunch of crap that I'll never be able to pull off (see "I Hate Data" from Sept. 20), but the next will bring a new idea. Sometimes I go weeks between breakthroughs, but it helps to remind myself that the shift in viewpoint will happen. I think we base our expectations about our work on the overall picture, but we forget to relax and enjoy the smaller pieces of progress. It's not about lowering expectations about what we can accomplish in our relatively short time in school, but setting benchmark expectations along the way toward completion of that bigger project. So, today, even though I have yet to run the analysis that might just save my project, I can feel good that I opened a new possibility in my research. If the analysis doesn't work, then of course I'll probably feel like throwing it all out of my second story window, but for now, I think I'll enjoy life at the crest of the hill where I can see the end of the project on the horizon.
Today's Grad Gravy: Allow yourself a little time to revel happily in your breakthroughs.
Today's Grad Gravy: Allow yourself a little time to revel happily in your breakthroughs.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Eating Well
Summers are good for eating. The farmer's market is full of fruits and veggies, the sun makes me crave salads and smoothies, and there aren't as many obligations as during the school year. Now, I'm sad that summer is starting to turn into fall. With fall comes classes to TA for, relying more on frozen food, and dreary days that don't do anything for my motivation to cook. Despite the change in weather, I have found a few strategies that help me eat healthy dinners while I'm in school.
1. Plan dinners in advance. I go to the grocery store about once per week, but before I go, I try to come up with at least two ideas for dinner during the week.
2. Make huge portions and store leftovers. Finding time to cook is difficult, but leftovers are easy, so I try to think about which nights I have open and which will require quick leftovers. Then, I plan to cook monster meals on my free nights.
3. Keep some quick, healthy meal ingredients on hand for those lazy nights. I usually keep on hand a big bag of frozen veggies, and some sort of noodles or rice or pasta. In a pinch, these two ingredients go together for a yummy stir-fry.
4. Make a list of your favorite dishes. Some nights, cooking sounds fun, but I just can't think of what to make. When this happens, I consult the list I made of our favorite dishes. These range from easy to time-consuming so that I can pick whatever I'm in the mood for.
5. Breakfast for dinner! Don't forget about pancakes or waffles. They're healthy with a few spoonfuls of fruit on top (which I usually keep on-hand in the freezer).
If you need recipe ideas for good dinners, check out allrecipes.com. If you find a recipe there that you like, be sure to read the comments for essential modifications.
For me, eating well is necessary to functioning well in grad school. When I don't eat fruits and veggies, I feel sluggish and unmotivated--definitely not a good combination for the mental workout that is grad school.
Today's Grad Gravy: Grad school isn't all about pizza and ramen.
1. Plan dinners in advance. I go to the grocery store about once per week, but before I go, I try to come up with at least two ideas for dinner during the week.
2. Make huge portions and store leftovers. Finding time to cook is difficult, but leftovers are easy, so I try to think about which nights I have open and which will require quick leftovers. Then, I plan to cook monster meals on my free nights.
3. Keep some quick, healthy meal ingredients on hand for those lazy nights. I usually keep on hand a big bag of frozen veggies, and some sort of noodles or rice or pasta. In a pinch, these two ingredients go together for a yummy stir-fry.
4. Make a list of your favorite dishes. Some nights, cooking sounds fun, but I just can't think of what to make. When this happens, I consult the list I made of our favorite dishes. These range from easy to time-consuming so that I can pick whatever I'm in the mood for.
5. Breakfast for dinner! Don't forget about pancakes or waffles. They're healthy with a few spoonfuls of fruit on top (which I usually keep on-hand in the freezer).
If you need recipe ideas for good dinners, check out allrecipes.com. If you find a recipe there that you like, be sure to read the comments for essential modifications.
For me, eating well is necessary to functioning well in grad school. When I don't eat fruits and veggies, I feel sluggish and unmotivated--definitely not a good combination for the mental workout that is grad school.
Today's Grad Gravy: Grad school isn't all about pizza and ramen.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Today's Procrastination
Warning: This is totally addicting! If you're looking for something to do on a rainy Saturday that doesn't include school work, but still works the mental muscles, check this out.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Fermenting
One of the things I like about being in school versus a "regular" job is the flexibility I have with my time. Take today, for instance. This morning I looked at some more data and then concluded that it really is still not saying what I want it to. So, I met people for drinks at 11:30 with every intention of finding my adviser early in the afternoon and getting some sort of idea as to what I'm going to do for this presentation. The problem is that we sat around at the cafe until 2:30 (I admit that I could have left much earlier, but it was really much more fun to sit there than face my project that's falling apart). So, I arrived at school a little before 3:00 and my adviser was not in. To make myself feel better, I waited around a few minutes. When he didn't show, I told myself I'd done my time for the day and headed home.
Did I finally get down to work at home? Nope. I just couldn't force myself to work. I rode my bike out to the levee for a long walk. Now, at almost 6pm, I've decided that the day isn't a waste, it's just that my brain needs time to ferment the ideas swirling around in there. In a "real" job, I would have had to call in sick if I wanted to spend the day hanging out. Instead, I'm the boss in control of my time. Now, if only I could convince the boss to let me have the weekends off...
Today's Grad Gravy: Fermenting makes wine out of grapes.
Did I finally get down to work at home? Nope. I just couldn't force myself to work. I rode my bike out to the levee for a long walk. Now, at almost 6pm, I've decided that the day isn't a waste, it's just that my brain needs time to ferment the ideas swirling around in there. In a "real" job, I would have had to call in sick if I wanted to spend the day hanging out. Instead, I'm the boss in control of my time. Now, if only I could convince the boss to let me have the weekends off...
Today's Grad Gravy: Fermenting makes wine out of grapes.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I hate data
Today is not a good day for data. After spending three hours typing commands into Stata, and then looking anxiously at the results only to see that the data just don't show what I want them to, I've given up. Okay, I haven't given up forever, just for right now. What is it about data and theories that makes me just want to manipulate the numbers to show what I think the social world looks like? There's something to having a theory, then proving it right. But it's even more annoying when I just can't get the results I want, even when I run truly outlandish models with the hope that at least I can push a square peg into a round hole for my own satisfaction. It would be nice, just once, to see what I want to see even if it's completely unusable because of the method by which I arrived there. So, why don't I just scrap the project and move on? Unfortunately I have a presentation on the data in just two months. There has to be SOMETHING there I can use without simply reiterating what hundreds of researchers have already said about fear of crime.
Enough ranting. This blog is supposed to be motivating and uplifting, so I'll find a bright side. I now have Stata on my home computer which means those three hours were spent in my comfy chair with natural lighting instead of at the grad computer lab under harsh fluorescents.
Today's Grad Gravy: At least we can crunch numbers from home.
Enough ranting. This blog is supposed to be motivating and uplifting, so I'll find a bright side. I now have Stata on my home computer which means those three hours were spent in my comfy chair with natural lighting instead of at the grad computer lab under harsh fluorescents.
Today's Grad Gravy: At least we can crunch numbers from home.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Back in Action
People keep asking when I'm going to start blogging again and today I'm happy to say I'm back to it. Although I meant to have a second draft of that paper, go to Yosemite, and complete the first draft of the novel I've been working on, another summer has slipped past while simultaneously dragging on. It's funny how the months between May and September take on that long-but-short quality. So, what did I do with my summer vacation? Spent two and a half weeks in Cyprus, went camping in Tahoe (a little built up for my tastes), began re-analyzing data for a conference presentation, rewrote the intro to my qualifying paper, went to my sister's baby shower (baby Cassidy was born on September 14), and wrote some sort of fiction nearly every day. It sounds like a lot when you put it that way.
So, am I ready for the Fall quarter? Yes. By the end of the summer, no matter how much I've accomplished or not, I'm usually ready to get back to school. I guess summers just reaffirm why I'm in grad school. After all, if I didn't look forward to new students, new classes, and new ideas, I would have to question what I'm doing here.
Todays Grad Gravy: Remember your first day as a grad student and approach every day with that mix of anticipation, nerves, and excitement.
So, am I ready for the Fall quarter? Yes. By the end of the summer, no matter how much I've accomplished or not, I'm usually ready to get back to school. I guess summers just reaffirm why I'm in grad school. After all, if I didn't look forward to new students, new classes, and new ideas, I would have to question what I'm doing here.
Todays Grad Gravy: Remember your first day as a grad student and approach every day with that mix of anticipation, nerves, and excitement.
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